I'll get off my high horse here for a moment to address the issue that we're all one, united under one roof, forgetting the outside world under the surreal world of a rave. Sometimes - and more often than not - people, because of dance music mixed with attractive hormone-filled humans and little bit of drugs, tend to forget a little too much what it's like to act a little dignified, like they used to a few hours prior. It's OK we're all in this together, and this also serves as a reminder to us, as we too sometimes get a little over indulgent and tend to start acting in all kinds of weird ways.
Here's just a few things off the top of our heads that we encourage you to try and stray away from, no matter how badly you feel the urge. Please take the list with a pinch of salt; it's supposed to be funny.
Don't Linger Too Much
Don't linger too much around the DJ booth. We mean some venues have a really small DJ booth, and the dude is working and has to move back and forth between decks or has a special playlist on his laptop, and doesn't want you copying every name for every track he plays. If the back stage area is huge some people will be back there, and that's fine but if you're not invited to go backstage, stop trying and just enjoy the music and dance. The party is a 100 times better from the dance floor, that's a guarantee.
Limit the blatant Shazamming
It's fine if you absolutely have to, but don't keep fucking doing it all night, especially if you're a DJ; it makes you look like an idiot. There's a fine line between shazamming one track and spending the whole night lingering around the speakers pressing your phone all night. Get away and make room for all the really makhbooten people in shades.
Try to hold it together (when there's no self-control)
There's that fine line between having a good time and being unable to pronounce the letters that make up your name - not so fine. Actually the line could serve as a wide ass highway. You'd be an idiot to not see it coming. Don't get overly fucked - for the sake of your own fun - but also don't look so fucked, taking 10 Es, and an amount of K to put a team of horses down, and some boat cleaner or whatever, under the premise of having a good time. A. You will not get laid. B. Chances are you will not get invited to the good after party. C. You might be the next big thing on Youtube. Not in a good way.
Don't make song requests
Sorry to have to be the one to break it to you, but don't make requests; chances are that if you live in Egypt your taste is shit. Even if it isn't you're not the one on the decks, and this isn't your cousin's wedding or a birthday party at McDonalds with the Hamburgler DJing. So keep it to yourself or try to go to the parties that caters to your taste in music, and if the DJ is worthy he will not play it,
Stop yelling in people's ears
Please be aware that this the worst time to have a conversation, as some of us paid good money and went out of our way to go listen to some good music. Fair enough, substances affect people in all sorts of different ways, so if you're one of the chatty folks that's fine by us, just get off the dance floor and go sit in a corner where you will find other chatty folk and you can all collectively chat your hearts out.
Stop the Gogo Dancer Syndrome - in fact, stop the Gogo dancers
This form of eye candy is a dying fad from the days of Trance, Ibiza, and Ministry of Sound - big ass productions that aren't our cup of tea. The association we make here with them is completely and purely sexual there's nothing worse than seeing all the boys surrounding the gogo dancer and losing all their other senses.
Put an end to the grinding
We have yet to come across a rave where Sean Paul or Shaggy is DJing, hence grinding is not OK to dance music, it really looks weird and you can grind horizontally afterwards, but for now please just stick to being normal.
Know your DJ
A little research can go along way in terms of how you choose your night, and how the outcome for that might be. You're lucky to be partying in Egypt at a time where there's literally over a dozen promoters, nights and events that cater to each and every single taste. So look up the acts you're going to see, check out their Soundcloud, and educate yourself before getting yourself into a party where you will hate the music. In other words check yourself before you wreck yourself.
Deal or no Deal?
Keep your onsite shopping to a minimum, we know what's up. Mesh na2seen sketch.
The Overall Attitude
The overall attitude you bring with you is probably your biggest asset. While it's easy to get lost in the world of PLUR and be the guy in highlights and Glowsticks and a whistle and going ooooowa ooooowa all night, it fades away as you grow older, and you realise that you don't care what people think of you and that you don't have to prove anything to anyone. So if you're that guy by all means be that guy, but if you're not that guy, and you feel the need to be that guy, trust me no one has to be that guy. Unless you're at a Skrillex outdoor party in middle America, listening to some proper BroStep, then everyone has to be that guy.
OR ignore this whole list and be the all-crazy-balls-out kind of dude, everyone loves him, he's quite irresistible.
Illustrations by Gannah Hesham exclusively for CairoScene.